Honeymoon Is Over
Recorded in Piper Dream Studios, Bakersfield CA For all inquiries e-mail: firstname.lastname@example.org Musicians: drums: Matt Morris, guitar and vocal: Tyler Stevens, bass, Rob Thomas Executive producer: Piperdream inc. City ghosts records Production attorney Fidel A. Martinez Mixdown :, Faith, Matt Morris, Ian Perry Graphic design: Ian Perry Half of all marriages end in divorce. Having a fruitful and fulfilling marriage seems ever more unattainable. In our culture, we expect immediate gratification and we idealize the concept of love and marriage. We have little sayings like 'Married with out the I is marred' and this further invigorates our quest for self gratification. Marriage, like any other partnership, requires hard work, compromise, open communication, honesty and selflessness to be able thrive and grow. The question of honesty in our culture is obscured by our ability to rationalize the decisions we make. It is easy to convince ourselves that we deserve better, to compile evidence against the old ball and chain for holding us back, to take comments out of context that prove we are taking advantage of. The honesty that is lacking is not honesty to ones partner, but rather our ability to be honest with ourselves. This project focuses on the difficult aspects of making a marriage work. In a great marriage, both partners willingly, selflessly and happily give 100%. It is not a 50/50 deal. Without the selfless support, willing ears, and critical feedback of my beautiful wife, this project would never have taken place and I may not have been able to move beyond the content of these songs. SJR Cover Art: Done by SJR This is a portrayal of Don Quixote and Sancho Panza right after Don Quixote released the prisoners in chains. They both were subsequently mauled by the felons they had just freed. This typifies the statement 'The Honeymoon Is Over'. It sinks in to Sancho that Don Quixote may not be the full on knight errant he had represented himself to be. We often make decisions about our marriages based on incorrect assumptions and frequently pay a high price, just as Sancho did many times merely for partnering up with Don Quixote. Song Descriptions: 1. We are all on our best behavior when we first meet others. We put our best foot forward and show our best qualities and attributes during the courting stages of a relationship. It is often times not until after chains of matrimony are forged and cohabitation begins that one learns of the true nature, character and temperament of a permanent partner. The process of adjusting to a stranger you thought you knew can be arduous and complicated further if essential components to strong relationships are not present. 2. It is almost impossible for a self absorbed person to not be hypocritical. It seems like in our culture we have built in self absorption, you deserve it. We are looking for others to satisfy our needs giving little thought to the needs of others. While it is easy to see the hypocrisy in others, it is rather difficult to see the hypocrisy in ourselves. The golden rule is an essential component of a good partnership. 3. This is a true story about a time I went to an elegant party at my friend's house. This somewhat elderly women was giving me unwanted attention and provocation. I tried to absent myself from the situation, but the party was not big enough to completely elude her. She began to also provoke my wife. I had no clue what she was up to until she went too far by dumping ice water over my head. Her husband was understandably jealous, and a little low on the IQ scale and he tried to get me to fight for the honor of his princess. I was in disbelief and shock that at an adult party such a juvenile scene could take place. I responded with some smart ass comment that disarmed and embarrassed him and we all had a good laugh at his expense. The poor guy was an idiot but his wife was a horror show. I coined the term Princess Complex to refer to a women that has such a lack of self esteem that she needs a man to fight for her. If you ever meet such a princess, do a 180 and run as fast as you can. 4. Mind reading would be an awesome advantage in a relationship. Even though it is impossible, I find myself still trying to acquire the gift. If we could read minds it would alleviate the extreme need for open and honest communication in a relationship. Still, I do find it helpful at times to try to read my wife's mind because I am actually successful about ever thousandth time I try. 5. A very common defense mechanism is to tear someone else down before they tear you down. It takes the focus off the real issue and puts it onto one who initiates communication. It is a great way to confuse someone and get them off their game. It is immediately successful and in the short term solves the problem of having to deal with a real problem. In the long term it only complicates matters and is akin to digging a deeper hole when the goal is to climb out of the hole. This technique should only be used by those who are 100% committed to divorce at the earliest possible convenience. If you are planning to stick around for a while you may want to develop some better defense mechanisms. 6. This is one of the oldest tricks in the book. If you encounter a problem, run! It seems so much easier sometimes to let someone else clean up the mess. The one thing you can count on in life is that you will have problems. Many people deal with problems by avoiding them rather than using a problem solving process to deal with them. Running away when the going gets tough may solve your immediate problems, but it won't win you any popularity contests and it won't do much for your relationships. 7. My old familiar friend is anger. This is another very powerful defense mechanism. Anger is a response to pain or being hurt and can usually force whoever is causing you pain to back off. Anger serves an extremely important function. It is a signal to us that action is needed. But it is one of those things that can be you best friend or your worst enemy, it all depends on how you use it. It is time well spent learning how to deal with anger in a healthy way. 8. Relationships and complicated and often times confusing. Early on patterns and cycles are formed as a couple finds a rhythm of stimulus and response and things sometimes even become routine. However, there are bound to be times that turbulent situations come up that are a complete shock to one of the partners. In hind sight, the unwitting partner may slap his forehead and say 'I should have seen this coming.' And of course the same situation will catch him completely unaware a week later. 9. There is something about how a guy behaves during the courting process that is different from a girl. It seems like a girl is allowed to play a little hard to get while the enamored guy falls all over himself in pursuit of true love. A guy is always trying to impress the young lady for whom he has fallen and inevitably the young lady either doesn't notice or pretends not to notice. Either way the guy feels let down. 10. Blame is one of the single most destructive forces in a relationship. Usually a controlling person will use blame to guilt or bully someone into submission. Solving problems is nearly impossible using blame. If you enjoy assigning blame, I highly recommend you save yourself and someone nicer than you the trauma, and make a vow of solitude. 11. Now that the honey moon is over we have a chance to do the real work of building a relationship. I hear the Chinese symbol for crisis is the same symbol for opportunity. The transition from the ideal of love that we expect from our unwitting partners to the reality that marriage is real work can most definitely be crisis like. More importantly it is an opportunity to become more than the some of our parts. For the 50% of you who choose not to do the work once the Honey Moon is Over, it is like my good friend Katie Turner says, ' you are either going to do the work now or you will do the work later' The work done later inevitably comes with a higher price tag and a greater chance that the work, so necessary to reap the benefits of what this life has to offer, will not get done at all.