Archive for February, 2010

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Packing it jet propulsion-style

Friday, February 26th, 2010

Every kid dreams of flying. It’s one of those dreams that doesn’t seem to die completely, but once the laws of physics and reality start to sink in when education comes in to play (and possibly an attempt at making your own winds out of paper or ‘Mary Poppins’ leaps with umbrellas), we lose that awe-inspiring dream.

But for those who simply cannot give up that dream, I give you: Innovation.

The hover belt - Flight for 30 seconds

The jetpack was always a combination of the dream of flight, and the safety net of physics and technology. So no matter how flawed designs were of a jetpack, you weren’t as crazy as the next guy who was plotting to pluck feathers off a hundred birds and glue it on to his wings built from cardboard. You could always just say: “Hey, the technology hasn’t gotten there yet.”

Jetpacks gave kids imagination, with a slight twist of warfare thrown in. No surprise considering it was World War II that inspired the Germans to create the very first, very dangerous flightpack. The U.S. Army looked into it in 1949, but wasn’t too successful staying in the air.

Since then, we’ve had different variations, gliders, body suits and even mini turbines on wings, then came the first jetpack. None have actually been ‘rockets’ per se, but they still serve their purpose.

This New Zealand company has only just made their jetpacks available to ride, and soon to buy for a whopping £50,000. Then again, at that price you could fly to work over the traffic. Just don’t drop your briefcase. That could cause some havoc.

Zoom zoom!

Top five coolest jetpackers:

5. Cliff Secord (The Rocketeer)
He’s the first image we think of when we think of jet packs. He’s got the pointy helmet and the brown leather suit to show off a stranger look than the packs themselves. Based off of the ’30s films of ‘King of the Rocket Men’, the stunt pilot-turned-hero then goes through a tough battle and eventually gets the girl after using his wits, and taking the gum (see the movie if you don’t know what that means).

4. Augustus Grey (Dark Void)
His story is similar to Cliff’s, but slightly askew. The cargo pilot passes through the Bermuda Triangle and ends up in an alternate dimension. With the help of Nikola Tesla, he gets an awesome jet pack with weapons, which is extremely fun to play in this video game.

Boba Fett

3. James Bond (Thunderball)
He only uses this jet pack to get from the roof to the bottom floor after killing Number 6, and the helmet he wears is not classy at all, but if it ain’t just the magic of Sean Connery to pull it all off, and still look suave.

2. Astroboy (Astroboy)
Jet packs in your feet? As a fully-grown man that’s hard enough to imagine, but for a boy who’s realised his personality’s been transferred to a robot? That’s heavy. Nonetheless, he does have jet packs on his feet.

1. Boba Fett (Star Wars Episode 5: The Empire Strikes Back)
The baddest cat there is in the galaxy, Boba Fett’s been an all-time favourite in the Star Wars universe. Sure, he does eventually die in Jedi Strikes Back, but considering the backstory behind this bounty hunter, he deserves the respect that a money-hungry goon-for-hire can get.

CJ be chillin'

Honourable mention: Carl “CJ” Johnson (Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas)
He was more famous for his ‘Hot Coffee’ moment, but CJ stole a jet pack from a military base and flew it out. GTA games are all about coming from the bottom of the food chain up, but stealing a jet pack from the government like it was a can of soft drink from someone’s fridge and flying it perfectly is more than impressive.

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It’s not easy being green, but it helps

Thursday, February 25th, 2010

Stargate Studios has put out its demo reel for its special effects, and I’ve got to say it’s a great video to watch and see just how many scenes of not only movies, but TV shows have benefitted from the green screen.

The green screen’s a funny little feature for entertainment. The correct term is ‘Chroma key’, which is removing one colour from the frame. Choosing a certain bright colour that is far away from a human’s skin tone, the computer is able to remove anything within frame. It’s also able to superimpose a layer of virtually anything, whether it be a spaceship background, or falling from the sky.

Sin City was a brilliant example

When this technology first came out, it was revolutionary. The 1940′s Thief of Bagdad was the first film to use blue screen, and also the first in Technicolor.

From there, technology improved so much, that instead of it looking absolutely dreadful by our standards, it was upgraded to passable.

Without this technology, Star Wars would’ve looked really crappy, and weather reporters would have to do more than just stand and speak.

Some films have even been made with barely any set at all. So it comes as a surprise nowadays when you actually realise when a green screen’s used.

The amount of people it takes to make a scene nowadays is baffling. But with all this visually fantastic technology, it seems the movies that look great, don’t sound great.

And that’s why The Hurt Locker beat Avatar. Not because it had better sound, but a better script. Does that dispel haters of the “HEY! Avatar is the best movie ever!” people? No, but I tried.

What movies have you watched recently that have made you shake your head with disappointment, but then distracted by all the cool explosions?

I’ve got a not-so-good example of special effects for you to see. If you don’t notice it at first, post a comment and ask.

I promise I won’t make fun.

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Heavy Rain Forecast

Wednesday, February 24th, 2010

Omikron

Two more days until Heavy Rain is released on the Playstaiton 3. This game has been something of a Holy Grail to me in terms of anticipated titles.

Quantic Dream’s first game that I loved was Omikron: The Nomad Soul back on the PC. Not only was it a great mix of different gaming genres, but David Bowie was in it, both as a character, and responsible for the soundtrack.

When Fahrenheit (or Indigo Prophecy for US audiences) came out, this engaging storytelling and quick-time sequences made it a lot of fun.

Madison Paige

Unfortunately it had a bit of a Stephen King ending, which equates to a “Hmm…how do we end this…?” and made the game less satisfying as you came to the end.

From what’s been released of this game so far, all of that’s been fixed, and then some. I’m not one to get on my knees and give a Wayne’s World “We’re not worthy!” shout-out to anyone, but I do commend companies, video game, film or otherwise, for attempting something new.

Video games have dramatically improved for storytelling. Nowadays the graphics have become so realistic, at times you completely forget you’re holding a controller. Metal Gear Solid 4 for the Playstation 3 demonstrated an absolutely beautiful world, albeit being within a war-torn Missle Eastern setting.

David Cage wanted to create a game that evokes emotion from the gamer. Rarely do you have a game that can effectively involve the player without it being obvious.

How will you approach the guy with the gun?

Heavy Rain combines the intensity of gaming action with a heavy emphasis on choice. Every action you do has its consequences. If a character dies, the story continues. That in itself is such an interesting concept. How could a story continue once a character dies?

The game follows four different people all trying to hunt down a serial killer. What makes this game different is your involvement in what’s happening. If a character dies, a part of the story goes with it, and a chance to find the serial killer.

A game that encourages replayability on the basis that you’ll get an alternate version of a story is not entirely new, but hasn’t been implemented so successfully in a game like this.

This is for Playstation 3 owners only: I recommend buying Heavy Rain. If anything, you’ll get to experience something new.

Heavy Rain - PS3

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Who’s hurt more?

Monday, February 22nd, 2010

Everyone essentially gave up when Avatar came out about other films being considered for any awards.

Just the chills from that scene...

The BAFTAs were on yesterday, and The Hurt Locker scooped up five awards including ‘Best Film’. Avatar won two (production design and sound). It’s great to see that even with a massive budget, you still can’t buy a great script.

Don’t get me wrong, Avatar was a great film as it was. Our concerns lay with movies like Hurt Locker being ignored because Avatar cost a fortune, and usually budgets mean bringers of the bacon.

If you haven’t seen The Hurt Locker, I suggest you grab a copy of it, because I haven’t seen a film that kept my anxiety for an explosion so high.

Tiger Woods came out from the media jungle and apologized for being a cheetah. We couldn’t handle his lion, and needed the tooth.

I also have run out of Tiger Woods jokes now. Maybe I shouldn’t have used them all at once. I guess it isn’t Tiger’s year…oh wait, what year is it in the Chinese calendar?

Not part of the US' "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" bill.

Have any of those public apologies actually done anything to change our lives? John Mayer’s recently had to apologize for an interview where he tried to be ahead of the pack in terms of being racially mature, but came out as an owner of racist genitalia.

Mel Gibson’s apology or ‘Mea Culpa’ as I’ve talked about before was empty, US President Bill Clinton came out to confirm what we knew but just didn’t understand why, and Kramer (Michael Richards) said a lot of real bad words that needed a sincere apology, but instead opted for an awkward David Letterman appearance when Jerry Seinfeld was on as a guest.

If I needed an apology, it’d be for something that affected me. I think Clinton getting a bit of under-table treatment would’ve level-headed the president, and have possibly solved diplomatic issues better. Michael Richards will always be Kramer, just as Jason Alexander will always be George.

The next time you accidentally get caught up in the hype of these apologies, just ask yourself: “Should I have said something about my affair with him and got media attention before he went public?”

I miss you Tiger…such a swinger. HAH! I knew I had another joke! Doogs FTW!

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Remembering Gonzo (not the muppet)

Friday, February 19th, 2010

Gonzo's daddy

Saturday marks the 5th anniversary of the passing of the father of Gonzo journalism.

Hunter Stockton Thompson was the American writer who was responsible for making the writing style that involved the journalist in the story, something that was a textbook error to be frowned upon.

What he helped start was an observation that made comparisons of reality with fiction through initially outlandish points of view, but ultimately spoke more words of truth than any mainstream journalist had in the past.

An observer who became active on the political circuit with President Nixon, gained a cult following after his work through Rolling Stone Magazine.

He was in the Air Force, ran for sheriff in Colorado, and took more drugs than Keith Richards. That last statistic is unknown, but I’m pretty confident in my judgement.

1937 - 2005

His personality was as loud as the messages in his words. He loved guns, a lot of drugs, and being a little erratic at times. He used an alter-ego called Raoul Duke for his book Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, who was first a character in his story about the Hell’s Angels.

He became friends with actor Johnny Depp, and before his death asked that he be shot out of a cannon. Depp helped finance this funeral for a close friend, and as crazy as the whole situation was, it summed up the life of this talented writer.

Check out more of Hunter’s legacy at Marty Flynn’s website at Hunter S. Thompson Books. He’s got a great blog about not only the author, but the fans and the subject of ‘Gonzo’.

Hunter S. Thompson’s books are definitely worth the read. If anything, you’ll be able to see bikie gangs and American presidents in a new light.


Gonzo - Documentary

Hell's Angels

Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas


The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There’s also a negative side.
- Hunter S. Thompson

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Cheerleader finds raptor

Thursday, February 18th, 2010

Cheerleader, meet velociraptor.

When I saw this, I thought to myself -- “HAH!”. Then I thought about how dinosaurs pretty much have the advantage of just gobbling you up with no real struggle at all. There are a few movies about dinosaurs that come to mind, and the scenes that made everyone fear the massive reptiles.

Awesome dinosaur eating/squishing people scenes:

Jurassic Park

This movie was awesome. Any kid who was a fan of dinosaurs instantly fell in love with this film. It also had some pretty funny death scenes. Sure, death isn’t funny, but when Newman from Seinfeld gets spat on by a Dilophosaurus, it’s pretty funny. The best scene was the guy on the crapper who gets consumed by a T-Rex. Not the best time to eat something, but you really can’t be picky when you have such tiny arms.

Godzilla

A big fella of a reptile. I say ‘was’ because well, as we all (should) know, New York City was no place for a dinosaur. His choice of where to step wasn’t the best, and as such didn’t give Godzilla a very good chance at getting friendly with the locals. This version of Godzilla was extremely criticized for not being a giant suit like the older versions, but I think there were a few more flaws in the film than missing a visible zipper at the back.

Jurassic Park: The Lost World

Wanting to cash in on the franchise, they made two sequels to the brilliant original. It’s unfortunate though, because predictability came into play, and the cheesy “Let’s go home” ending…ugh. Still, there were some good dinosaur chomping scenes!

Turok

The video game series was all about dinosaurs, and in particular, making them extinct whenever they tried something. Not only did you see other people get into a scuffle with vicious dinosaurs, but you had a few issues yourself trying to keep them from consuming you. It was brutal, but then again, survival of the fittest! Plus I’m sure cavemen didn’t have crossbows and machine guns to battle against the vicious foes.

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Posted in Funny Stuff! | 3 Comments »

Pet Shop next to the kitchen

Wednesday, February 17th, 2010

"Can you stop? I need the loo!"

The Pet Shop Boys were involved in a competition alongside the 2010 Brit Awards that the winner will have the group performing in their living room.

For Lorraine Sands, her residence on Warren Road in Whitton was to become home to a once-off gig. Sands and her three friends were whisked off to be pampered and done up for the show, which was being set up in the living room of the residence.

Fifty crew members working for thirteen hours to turn an ordinary living room into a venue.

Lorraine and her friends returned, and shortly after got a knock at the door to find Neil Tennant and Chris Lowe. She went mental with excitement, and with a DJ, four dancers in abstract tracksuit costumes and flourescent lights aplenty, they were treated to a show.

It’s a strange place to have a gig, but when you’ve got the Pet Shop Boys involved in such a competition, it wouldn’t matter if you lived in a tin shed, you’d say “Yes!”.

It got me thinking about other bands, and how a change of venue can often give the band a better reputation. Although I must admit, I’m sure Pet Shop Boys didn’t need to attract an audience, let alone grab for four.

Strangest venues to perform at:

Johnny Cash

Prison – Johnny Cash

He’s played in a few prisons, but in an attempt to get back in touch with the struggles of the every-day man, Johnny Cash performed in front of criminals of all types.

Wall St. – Rage Against The Machine
Michael Moore conducted the impromptu performance, and in RATM’s ‘Sleep Now in the Fire’ video, the footage shows the band rocking outside of the building where most of the band’s anger is geared towards, and as the police arrive and take them away, the message has been made.

Mental Institution – The Cramps

Sigur Ros

I really don’t know what to say to this, but for a band to be playing to people with mental conditions is not good news for anyone. Sticks and stones may break their bones, but rock ‘n’ roll will only cause permanent psychological damage.

Fish Factory – Sigur Ros

Sigur Ros gave a small Icelandic town a performance, playing songs at different locations. Not trying hard enough to encourage an audience, but definitely succeeding in cool ideas.

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Ageing video tubes

Tuesday, February 16th, 2010

"Is this real life?"

YouTube is celebrating its 5th birthday.

It’s a time where the world can think about where they were and what video took their attention away from any school essay, TPS report or roast chicken that had initially captured their attention.

I think for me, it was the ‘OK GO!’ video, like most. Who knew that treadmills could be so much fun?

Well now with over a billion videos a day, I feel it would be right to look at the video website’s best uses.

It gives me great pleasure to present a list of the internet’s best and brightest achievements.

First YouTube video: Me at the zoo

He's no stranger to love

First video to ridicule someone on a global scale: Star Wars Kid

Best video showing internet’s reaction to global ridicule: Star Wars kid Drunken Jedi

Best video to top that one: Star Wars Kid -- Agent Smith Fight

Best video to watch if you’re feeling down: Hahaha

Biggest April Fools/worldwide upset in YouTube history: RickRoll’D

Video to get you to properly represent your nationality/act like a fool in foreign countries: Where the Hell is Matt?

Best use of viral marketing to ruin an Idol’s self-confidence: Ken Lee or Without you by Mariah Carey

Best video to bring a “WTF?” reaction: Damatic Look

Saddest moment for humanity: LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!

Best video ever: Best video ever

The great thing about modern technology is the incorporation of it into mainstream media. With news anchors running their own Twitter accounts and businesses trying to latch on to the ‘l337′ memes and such, it wasn’t long before this bandwagon was hijacked by the very users they were trying to entice.

Generation gaps are a funny thing. What may have been the most popular thing in the 70′s can now have absolutely no significance to contemporary youth. This can also have a reverse effect, such as raepmykipz‘s channel of videos, in which emails, calls and text messages sent into the UK show ‘Talk God’ television show.

I’ll let the clip speak for itself:

Gold.

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Not Smithen

Monday, February 15th, 2010

Smith puffed up

Independent filmmaker-turned-rich director Kevin Smith’s been tweeting like crazy since his recent flight on a cheap airline.

He’s made his side of the story clear on his recent urgent ‘Smodcast’ post, and his wife accompanied him on the podcast about the unnecessary treatment.

The budget airline has posted about their attempts to reconcile with Smith, but it hasn’t stopped his outrage.

The whole debacle started when Smith had an issue with the seats on the aircraft. Usually buying two seats for comfort (and from his words the fact he can afford to), his issue came when an employee asked that he leave the plane because the pilot deemed him a “safety risk”.

After asking why, the employee mentioned that it meant anyone who cannot fit between the arm rests. When Smith demonstrated his ability to, he was still asked to leave.

He mentioned in his podcast making eye contact with a larger fellow a few rows back as he stood up and grabbed his carry-on luggage, and caught his fear along the lines of “Oh no, don’t tell them I’m here!”.

He was offered a $100 voucher for his troubles, which he turned down for a few reasons. Understandably so, as it isn’t the best publicity to be kicked off for being too fat to fly, when you’re usually a 2-seat purchaser.

Listening to both sides, there are two opinions that I’ve come up with:

Not Kevin Smith

1. If you are legitimately too big for a seat, I totally understand. I wouldn’t want to be sitting next to a bigger guy for comfort reasons, let alone safety. Believe me, if someone thinks someone in my way of death is going to stop anyone from scrambling over them, you’re kidding yourselves. It’s almost like coming on a plane with clothes that haven’t been washed in weeks. Be considerate of others, please. But if you are indeed able to follow their procedures, I see no issue.

2. Generally speaking (and I don’t want to start a war here) if you can’t fit into a plane seat, you should buy another ticket. Revenue-raising or not, try jamming 24 beers into a small drink cooler, it’s not going to work. Get two coolers. Or slim down. It’s harsh, but sometimes there needs to be a rule of common sense here.

Kevin Smith’s admitted it straight out: He’s fat. He’s lived with this treatment a lot, and he isn’t denying it. Americans are known to be quite large anyway, so the fear of having to buy a second ticket could be enough justification to lose weight. Plane seats are tiny, painful in long spurts of sardine can-compacting, and just plain uncomfortable. It’s no surprise that for larger people, it’s worse. But one has to wonder when it’s your own responsibility at a certain size (just as it’s your responsibility at a certain age for things).

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Love, it is a river that leaves your wallet to bleed

Friday, February 12th, 2010

Sarah Palin's notes for Valentine's Day

Ahh, Valentine’s Day. Say of what you want, but it’s a tough day to discuss for anyone.

Happy couples are pressured, single people are miserable. I’ll divulge.

Remembering the Valentine’s Day ‘celebration’ is almost like an alarm clock in the morning: You know when you have to get up, but you won’t know what time it is until you hear an unbearable noise out of nowhere.

For the happy couple, you are doomed from the start. What do you do for your first Valentine’s Day? Is this a first date with the person you’ve been trying to conjure the bravery to ask for years? Have you been together ten weeks or ten months?

What should you do with your partner? Teddy bear? Dinner? Day trip? What’s the budget? Why should there be a price tag on your love? What did you do last year?

It’s not good enough that you’re great to your partner, telling them how much you appreciate them, but then comes this ‘Pay Day’ of sorts. If you’re waiting for your partner to tell you how much they care, you’re damn right it’s pay day!

I love you too sugar.

Some couples play it safe, showing their disgust for the demanding day and instead give each other a comforting card. But deep down inside, you’re secretly hoping for some fantastic surprise among the sea of other couples trying to book restaurants and find that secluded part of the beach no one else thought to go to.

As long as you say “I love you”, or at least “I still approve of our relationship”, we pass the test.

Nelson Mandela was freed twenty years ago from yesterday, 18 years after such brutal suffering in his South African prison cell. Not once was he sitting in his cell thinking “I wonder if I should buy a dozen roses, or a box of chocolates.”

For those who are single on this day, there are two ways to go through it:

Van Damme can be a sweetheart

1. Grab a bottle of something alcoholic, sit and home and watch something starring Hugh Grant, then dabble on Facebook (‘Gale Winters has just been treated to a day spa by my beautiful boyfriend!‘) and Twitter (‘@MissusDaisy Hey sry ur alone 2nite. Ill save sum cake. Luv ya!‘). What a way to wallow in your own misery.

2. Go out on the town with the friends you have who are also single, and witness the extra-awkward moments with other single people. There’s an intense mindset for those looking for Mr/Mrs Right, and for some reason it HAS to be on February 14th. You’ll witness desperation, fear, and worst of all: Dealing with compromise.

For those not wallowing in self-pity from feeling like you’ve wasted another Hallmark day, congratulations. For those alone, cheer up.

I hear there are a lot of break-ups, which makes February 15th very opportunistic…

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY! :)

Here’s something to cheer you up:

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