Archive for March, 2010

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For the love of bad movies

Wednesday, March 31st, 2010

Ohh, we know, Uma... :'(

What makes a movie bad? Is it the story? The production? The acting (or lack of)? There are a few films that have failed for very different, let’s say unorthodox circumstances.

Uma Thurman’s made good stead in her films in the past, but it wasn’t until her film ‘Motherhood’ came out that we saw a failure. Hoping to cause a bit of buzz by showing the film in one cinema (don’t ask me about logic there).

That buzz resulted in the opening weekend taking Not £88. Sounds like a lot, until you realise that there’s no ‘million’ attached to that number. Eleven people turned up to the screening.

It did win an unofficial award though as one of the lowest ever grossing movies in the UK.

Talk about buzz!

Wha? I didn't win?

Then we have a movie like Blonde Ambition, a movie Jessica Simpson swears isn’t a remake of Working Girl. As I just mentioned, Jessica Simpson is responsible for this film about a country girl moving to the Big Apple.

The film was planned to have a proper release, but with the bad test screenings, the studio tried eight theatres in Texas for a limited release, which is where Simpson and co-star Luke Wilson are from.

The DVD was released exactly one month after. Want to know why? It made a total of $1,332 on opening weekend. That’s an average of $165 made per theatre.

But here’s the quirky bit of this story. In the Ukraine, the film was #1 on the first weekend and earned $253,008. Russia grossed $399,854, and the Philippines grossed $16,538 to date. Then DVD sales made $2.7 million in the first week of DVD releases.

Skeptics say it was Jessica Simpson’s fans just trying to help support her, but either way it’s now grossed $11.56 million in total in the United States.

Then there’s…THAT movie…

Battlefield Earth might be the worst movie ever made. While John Travolta loved the script and told screenwriter J.D. Shapiro he saw it as the “The “Schindler’s List of sci-fi”, it turned out to be the Worst Movie of the Decade, as noted by the Razzie awarded to the flick this year.

Shapiro has recently written a feature about the movie, stating his script was actually re-worked by Travolta and his “camp” to fit more with Scientologist founder L Ron Hubbard’s ideas for a movie. Whether things were altered or not, the movie causes that gut feeling of embarassment for the otherwise mainly good actors on screen.

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Owning film history one piece at a time

Tuesday, March 30th, 2010

DeLorean DMC-12

When a film really resonates within, there’s almost an instant craving to instil that excitement in your life after the credits roll.

It’s from this that purchasing a piece of that film becomes such a treasured collection.

Take the DeLorean. The DMC-12 sports car model made popular from the Back to the Future films as a time machine was the only model that the DeLorean Motor Company made. In 1982 the founder John DeLorean was accused of drug trafficking to raise funds for the failing company.

If that company were still open when Marty McFly and Doc went back in time in the 1985 flick, business would have been thriving as soon as the film started to roll. As of today an estimated 6,500 DeLoreans exist.

While only six DeLoreans were used in the films, the cars are still being sought out by people with lots of money. It’s also guaranteed people will see the DeLorean cruising down the road and say “Ohh, I wish I had that car,” Flux Capacitor installed and everything.

It’s the power of film that gets us all giddy with excitement. I can remember seeing Universal Studios in Hollywood, and being amazed at the real life film sets. Taking something from a movie means having the ability to show it off to friends when watching the movie, singing while pointing to the screen: “I own this! This is that!”

"Ell..i..ot...your bike's rad"

Movie posters with the signatures of actors can be found at memorabilia stores, but often it’s hard to know the authenticity of it. There might be a little badge stating its official status as a legit poster, but who knows?

Tom Meighan, Kasabian‘s vocalist, bought what seemed to be Elliot’s bike from ET in 2007. Steven Spielberg’s ‘people’ have said that the director has held on to the Kuwahara bikes, so whether Meighan actually owns it or not hasn’t been solved.

Apparently the guy’s been buying Star Wars replicas and everything. Some rock stars buy cocaine. Others buy C3P0.

But there’s a difference between buying something for the memory of the film, and for simply creating a larger collection.

Collecting as many toys as possible can be a dangerous obsession. It can also make kids going to the store very sad when they find out all the good toys are gone, and they’re stuck with the generic alien toy that wasn’t featured in the film.

"Yup...all mine."

Unless you’re very rich, and very dedicated, chances are someone is going to have more than you. Some like to collect simply to own every special edition hat or lunch box.

Those collecting as an investment know they won’t have a short-term gain, but I know of a few people that have had to face the fact they have a lot of toys, and not a lot of buyers.

All things considered, we all have some sort of film or TV prop that we’d love to have. Maybe a barstool from Cheers, or Luke Skywalker’s actual lightsaber (good…luck). There are websites selling pieces of films for ridiculously high prices.

For example, one website is selling a cut piece of the Spider-Man 3 costume’s leg fabric for £265, nicely framed and generally celebrating a mediocre film.

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Baby booty, baby boy, and baby boss

Monday, March 29th, 2010

Nothing cooking?

Rumours were floating around that Beyonce Knowles was pregnant. Then rumours were confirmed to be false, big surprise.

Beyonce and Jay-Z didn’t tell the press about their marriage until two months after it happened. This was most likely to keep the cameras away from the ceremony, but it seems that everyone just HAS to know.

It’s a shame that the media can’t just wait until either the singer is ready to announce that she’s creating spawn, or start covering events before they’re confirmed. We need to tone down a little on the hush-hush gossip scene.

Then there are times when failing to notify the public can get you in trouble.

The manager to little dweeb Jusin Bieber was arrested last week on charges of reckless endangerment and criminal nuisance. But what could Scott Braun have possibly done to receive these charges, you may ask?

He thinks he's soooo gangsta...

Not tweeting.

Yes, in the days where employees can be fired for posting rude Facebook photos and arrested for trying to joke about blowing government buildings up, doing the opposite can get you in just as much trouble.

The teen star was going to have an appearance at a shopping mall in Long Island. His incredibly famous Twitter account sent out notification about the event, and it wasn’t until 3,000 tiny screaming fans bombarded the mall that police demanded the manager to tweet that the concert was cancelled due to safety concerns.

The police say he refused, and even changed the Twitter account’s password to “control the event”. Braun said it took him seven minutes. Five people were taken to hospital for minor injuries,

This event happened in November, for reference. He’s looking at a year in jail if found guilty. Could you imagine the kind of life that man would live behind bars with an offence like that?

Knifey McStab: “What’re you in here for? I stabbed a guy.”
Scott Braun: “I didn’t use Twitter fast enough.”
Knifey McStab: “…you’re on a fast track to getting stabbed.”

"Papapapapapapa..poke my face, and hit my eyes."

Speaking of not saying anything, Lady Gaga‘s old sound producer before her days on a label is suing her for $30.5 million for not verbally saying “thank you” for the music.

Rob Fusari is seeking lost revenue from their professional collaboration, including being the one giving Stefani Germanotta her stage name ‘Lady Gaga’.

Gaga’s been quoted saying that she’s been Gaga “from the time that I was 19 through my first record deal,” and looking at the picture to the right, I can totally see the…umm…totally random dress sense. Maybe it’s the suspenders that were a foreboding sign of what was to come.

Now maybe it’s just me, but if you just wanted a verbal apology, then the $30.5 million shouldn’t even be in the equation. Since when was anyone’s verbal anything worth that much?

Any excuse that it’s because of the hardships he faced since bringing her up to the fame that she’s at now fizzles out when you think about the amount of money he’s asking for.

If he’s not happy about the way Gaga’s now portraying herself, then he has every right to be upset. But as far as I know, he doesn’t have a contract with the record label.

Still, in this day and age, suing people seems to still be all the rage with the cranky folk.

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Dennis Hopper’s not dead yet

Friday, March 26th, 2010

He really didn't hate buses.

Latest news coming out has said that Dennis Hopper the actor’s treatment will not include chemotherapy, as his prostate cancer is terminal.

People are already writing him off as dead, but Patrick Swayze received more attention through the press through his ongoing battles, and all he did was Road House. Why not Hopper?

Dennis Hopper was more than just ‘that’ actor. He was an established artist. And not just an actor who dabbled in a bit of painting, but a deep, philosophical kind of guy with a great history throughout the New Hollywood movement.

Sounds like I’m giving the man a standing ovation, but unlike most ‘artists’, Dennis was also a great photographer, filmmaker and painter.

Andy Warhol's painting

He was a part of the big movements of the anti-establishment. He walked alongside Martin Luther King Jr. during the memorable moments of the equal rights movement, capturing those pivotal moments with his camera. He hung out with Andy Warhol in New York, and both had made representations of each other through art.

His early work highlighted the actor within him, and started to get a lot of attention. Working with James Dean on Rebel Without a Cause and Giant exposed him to a newer way of acting that wasn’t so scripted, and added naturalism to the screen.

‘From Hell to Texas’ also taught him the struggles betwen director and actor, and conflicts about his acting style drove him off the Hollywood circuit for eight years.

This is when the artist within Hopper came to be. James Dean’s encouragement to keep taking photographs inspired him to grow out the hair and use his camera, capturing what became a huge hit with his photography work from ’61 to ’67.

Writing, directing and acting in 1969′s Easy Rider kickstarted the low-budget, hippy anti-establishment films of the 60′s and 70′s. His part as a whacked out photographer in Apocalypse Now was a great appearance, but wasn’t the best for his public image as people considered it to be a representation of the man. But he ignored it all, and went on to be in the wonderful Blue Velvet.

Easy Rider'

He kept close to independent films as they represented true filmmaking, and kept with his artistic side. But when he acted as Keanu Reeve’s villain in Speed, it was his new Hollywood stamp as “Hey, aren’t you that guy…?”.

He’s had five wives (one of which lasted for six days), gone through alcohol and substance abuse in the 70′s and survived to tell the tale.

There has been more success for him as an artist in Europe than the US, and now with his cancer being labelled terminal, it’s a tragic piece of news to hear about the man who had offered so much art about to pass on.

He’s lived a full life, and contributed deeply to the arts, and I wanted to give a shout-out to the champion of the arts who was one of the leaders of counter-culture.

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Pappa’s been taken out of the bag

Thursday, March 25th, 2010

"Get on up-ah!"

I don’t know how this news snuck past me, but we seem to be missing the Godfather of Soul.

One of the 12 people who have come forward to say they are one of his illegitimate children is LaRhonda Pettit. She says the body of the man has been taken from his crypt.

She had been keeping his body until a proper burial was organised. LaRhonda has come out saying that even though James Brown is known for using illegal drugs, his death wasn’t the result of it.

What’s more strange about this story is how his daughter has been keeping his body for over three years. Just sitting there.

So eerie. But who knows, maybe she organised for the body to be taken because she’s not among the children to get any royalties from daddy.

But the man who had been the almighty for funk music has hardly been mentioned as of late (aside from the bodysnatching incident). So today, I’d like to salute the Godfather, who taught us the boogaloo, the funky chicken, and the mashed potato.

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Why chat when you can frag?

Wednesday, March 24th, 2010

Like this, but with walls divided

The internet. What a place.

No matter where you go, chances are someone’s surfing for cute kitten photos and reviews of movies by someone who feels the need to degrade every scene just for laughs, even if secretly loving it.

As we’ve celebrated and mocked in the past, there are certain things you just can’t shake off when it comes to the internet.

Here is a stranger place of the ‘net I’d like to highlight to you all.

There is a service available now for online gamers to pay for women to play games through Xbox Live with them. This means having an “attractive girl” over a webcam while you geek out to Halo 3.

Afterwards, you vote on the girl’s “hotness, gaming skill, and flirtiness”. It’s almost like gaming prostitution. But seriously, why pay to play a game with a girl who’s being flirty with you when you’re either trying to completely annihilate them, or take the other side and let them win so you think she’ll like you more?

I’m terribly sorry to break it to you guys, but she isn’t hoping to find true love at a dollar a minute.

The Frag Dolls

It’s a stigma with video gamers that it’s still dominated by males. In fact, studies have shown the amount of gamers to be almost evenly split, and the average gamer’s age to be around 30.

That being said, a ‘service’ such as GameCrush seems to demoralise the idea that gaming is for everybody.

The Frag Dolls are a very well-known gamer clan that are experts at mostly first-person-shooters. Their appearance seems to be a bit on the posing side, but publishing house Ubisoft’s creation is still ‘pwning’ men left and right.

Being beaten by a girl isn’t just in the humiliating year-older-than-you-bully-from-primary-school moment. She could be fragging you while you quiver behind that pillar, wondering why CherryBubz can’t stop headshotting you from so far away.

Jessica Chobot

Jessica Chobot from IGN is 33 years old, a female, a TV presenter, and also a big gamer. Everything a male gamer wants in a woman essentially comes down to whether she will complain that you’re still leveling up your Night Elf and not going up to the second level to bed with her.

There’s a double-edged sword there, but I won’t get into that.

While the stereotype still needs more work in order to remove the stigma, we’re at least improving the idea that, yes, girls do play games, and it’s not all Hello Kitty.

By the way, the new Hello Kitty Birthday Adventures game is out on the Nintendo DS if you’re interested.

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Twitter roulette

Tuesday, March 23rd, 2010

T is for Twitter!

Twitter turned four on Monday. With the mecha of online SMS sending already four years old, it’s strange to think about how we used to talk to each other.

The development from the old days of phone calls that were attached to walls has made it possible for a person walking down the street to spontaneously text friends to meet at a location five minutes away.

Originally walking home to call your friend’s house was necessary, and even then, the mother would apologize, offer to leave a message, and you wouldn’t hear from her again.

Now we can share articles about the best sneezing pand videos, stay up-to-date on current news on what our friends are eating, re-tweet awesome blog posts (hint hint), and now follow celebrities and their highly engaging messages about how great it was to see another famous person at a famous person’s party. What fun they must have.

Now with instantaneous messages being delivered around the globe at ease, Chatroulette has come into play. While pictures can tell a thousand words, video will turn you into a rambling man, unable to stop.

Exactly. Feel free to talk now.

Chatroulette is a website that “pairs random strangers for webcam-based conversations” using a plugged-in microphone for the added audio effect.

When either one feels like moving to the next person, simply pressing ‘Next’ will disconnect, and within seconds you’re in front of an entirely new living room.

Yes, now we can see the faces of those surfing the internet: Mopey face, leaning on hand, wearing something to either cover their face or to hide their identity.

For those who haven’t used this internet experiment, I give you a massive warning: You are going to see something disturbing.

You know the fear of walking through a park, only for a man in a trenchcoat to expose his naked self? Now you can see that in the comfort of your own home.

Inappropriate use of this social experiment is not a shock to the system. The internet as I’ve mentioned before is a wild jungle of beauty and beasts.

And you know who started it all? A 17-year-old boy from Russia. That’s right, the person responsible for the site shouldn’t even be allowed to use his own site. Putting a clause stating you must be 16 to use the site doesn’t do much, because who doesn’t want to use an anonymous webcam site and be safe from ridicule of other people?

Obviously the cat guy above, for one.

But from the 90% of filth comes that 10% of a gem, and this one come in the form of a piano-playing Merton.

Though most people thought this improv genius about the Chatroulette sensation was American piano master Ben Folds. And while people kept arguing this, Ben Folds has since dedicated a section of his gigs called ‘Ode to Merton‘.

Merton’s video has since been re-posted on YouTube due to the site’s violation of showing the (now) blurry young woman, but it was up to 4.2 million views before the re-post (and apparently the ‘Top-Rated YouTube Video of All Time’).

<3333333333333333333.

I’m serious about the number 3.

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Massively attacked

Monday, March 22nd, 2010

Just...wow...

I’ve got to say, there’s something about seeing an epic live show that makes you want to tell the world. I was lucky enough to catch Massive Attack in Melbourne on their Australian leg of their ‘Heligoland’ tour.  And it turned out to be one of the best shows I have seen in years; it was a truly huge performance.

'Teardrop'

Sidney Myer Bowl is an outdoor venue in the centre of Melbourne and it couldn’t have been a more perfect setting with clear skies on a warm(ish) night.  Massive Attack kicked off their set with ‘United Snakes’ which seriously tested the sound system, before being joined by Martina Topley Bird for ‘Babel’ from ‘Heligoland’.

A huge cheer welcomed the first appearance of Daddy G onstage as he and 3D performed ‘Risingson’ (sadly Daddy G is only onstage for about 5 songs).

Throughout the night vocals were shared by Daddy G, Martina Topley Bird, Horace Andy and Deborah Miller; Horace Andy providing vocals on ‘Angel’, ‘Splitting The Atom’ and ‘Girl I Love You’, and Deborah Miller for a colossal version of ‘Safe From Harm’ and the classic ‘Unfinished Sympathy’.

I see a little silhouetta of a man...or four.

The performance of the vocalists and the band was brought even more alive by the amazing lighting which set the mood, generated images and communicated messages.

United Visual Artists provided the graphics behind band throughout the show and sent out anti war, anti capitalism, pro civil right and anti tabloid journalism messages.  Whatever your beliefs,  it was a highly thought-provoking and exceptionally executed visual design.

The band finished the main set with ‘Inertia Creeps’ before an encore that included an epic ‘Atlas Air’ and the closer ‘Karmacoma’.

At the end of the set Massive Attack received a standing ovation for what seemed like five minutes, and in response they applauded the crowd.  They clearly love visiting Australia and Australian audiences clearly love them.

Never knew the height difference between the lads.

The show is an aural and visual assault which left me, and most of the audience, buzzing with energy, and made me want to pull out all of their albums the next day; something a live performance hasn’t made me want to do in years.  If they are coming to your town then check them out; this Massive Attack tour is truly magnificent.

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A good eggsample of fan appreciation

Friday, March 19th, 2010

My life is now complete.

With Easter coming up fast, the one thing on people’s minds is chocolate. Then it’s chocolate eggs. But for those who aren’t fans of consuming a chocolate egg the size of your head, other gifts like DVDs can be given out. But wait, what’s inside that DVD? An Easter egg!

Non-edible (though trying to would be worth seeing) but oh so delish are the secrets towed away on DVDs. This is a neat little way to give an extra clip or blooper to those who pay attention enough on a title’s DVD menu.

It could be finding a little icon that appears when you highligh it, or not touching a button for two minutes. Some are inventive, some are not.

Wait, click DinoCo, and get goodies.

Easter eggs started back in the days of Atari video games, specifically in the 1979 game Adventure. Warren Robinett was the programmer who slipped in his name in a secret room that was accessible via an invisible pixel that essentially was just as hard to figure out as the game would have been back in the day.

Since then, there have been a plethora of easter eggs hidden everywhere. Let’s be honest, finding a chocolate egg hidden behind the couch isn’t as satisfying as getting a two minute edit of all the swear words in Snatch.

I’ve collected some of the best Easter eggs hidden away on DVDs, for your eventual enjoyment.

The handy algorithm

Worth the wait – Futurama
The alien code shown in a secret button turns out to be a message that can be solved by an algorithm. After translating it, you’ll see something like:
“This DVD includes a specially encoded easter egg which you are now meticulously translating from an alien language, because you have no life and are a compulsive nerdlinger. How sad. It’s especially sad if you don’t speak English, and you have to translate the alien language into English and then into your own tongue, and you come across a word like nerdlinger, which really isn’t a word at all, but still aptly describes someone who would actually translate such a word, twice…” (It goes on)

Timing is the key - Independence Day
You’ll need to play with the main menu, and keying in the ’7′, ’4′ and the Enter button that flashes on screen at the Data Console as quick as you can on the main menu will get you in the ship. Here you’ll get randomly played clips of the fake news service. The code relates to the dates in the movie, so trying 73 and 72 will give you the ability to browse these clips instead of the random occurence.

I <3 Lucas -dialogue

From one bad flick to another – Star Wars series
As much as the new ones hurt diehard fans, the Easter egg hunters who were clever enough to type in the numbers ’11′, ’3′ then ’8′ (a shoutout to George Lucas’ THX 1138 film), you’ll be rewarded with outtakes, gag reels, Yoda doing a bit of hip-hop and so on.

Play it right, Sam – Memento
If you haven’t seen Memento, then you won’t know about the movie’s editing style, playing events in reverse to reveal Guy Pearce’s character short-term memory. Well the Easter egg on this DVD sets it straight by playing the flick in proper chronological order.

Easter egg in an Easter egg - Doctor Who (10th) Series 3, Disc 4
‘Blink’ was a freaky episode that followed Sally and her friend’s brother Larry putting together 17 easter eggs hidden on random DVDs. Put together, they were actually a message made by The Doctor to send the TARDIS to 1969 to save the Doctor and Martha from being trapped. The easter egg on this DVD is the unedited version of these codes, and with the transcript printed from the internet, you can re-enact the scene in the same fashion as one would do at home wanting to act a little strange with the TV.

Taking It Literally - American Pie 2
Highlight and click the words ‘Bonus Materials’ on the second page of said section, and the actors throw eggs at the screen. Jerks…I was hoping to get something nice, but noooooo!

F.B.Aight

Hard to notice at first – Fight Club
FBI Warning at the start of the DVD is actually a message if you read it, by Tyler himself. He’ll rip into you a little for reading it, of course:
“Do you read everything you’re supposed to read? Do you think everything you’re supposed to think? Buy what you’re told you should want? Get out of your apartment. Meet a member of the opposite sex. Stop the excessive shopping and masturbation. Quit your job. Start a fight. Prove you’re alive. If you don’t claim your humanity you will become a statistic. You have been warned…….Tyler.”

A little mean – Mallrats
Kevin Smith rips into you for seeking an Easter egg. Somehow I’m feeling kinda miserable for looking for these.

Creepiest – The Ring
You can watch the deadly tape the whole way through. Just don’t watch it at a time where someone will phone you. *Shudder*

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Thy deceiveth thou with sneaky angles

Thursday, March 18th, 2010

Have a look at this video and tell me if you’ve ever been the offender/offended of this epidemic.

Now they can bark up the right tree.

This commercial makes an excellent point about the internet. The New Yorker had it right in a 1993 cartoon with “On the Internet, nobody knows you’re a dog”.

To enhance chances of succeeding on dating sites, people have a habit of learning the right angle to hide that second chin, or a massive freckle on their left cheek.

What is laughable when you think about it is when that same person gets upset when their date stares at you thinking “…nothing like the photo”. You’re essentially starting a relationship filled with lies from the get go.

But then who doesn’t do this? When trying to attract, why post a photo of you wearing a cardboard box for pants when you could borrow your friend’s suit jacket, take a photo, and look like you got more bling bling?

Napoleon Dynamite‘s a perfect example of deceptive profiles that have worked out in the end.

Maybe that’s the beauty of the internet. It’s a massive hub for everything, from online shopping through to the touring caravan enthusiasts.

The fun of it all is rummaging through the amount of absolute rubbish to get to it.

And with Photoshop skills, anyone can become anyone. Pretty powerful stuff, don’t you think? I’m sure half the people chatting online pretend they’re someone else.

Okay, so I’ve been teasing the people with their profile pics, so I think it’s only fair to show mine.

Doogs V2.0

What? Didn’t you just read the last few paragraphs?

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