Archive for the ‘Funny Stuff!’ Category

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Neigh, do not try this at home

Monday, August 22nd, 2011

Mrs. Ed?

I went to see Captain America on the weekend. Late, I know, but I’ve been plowing through Mad Men and Community episodes for the last month (which I totally recommend you take up as your two new television projects).

It’s amazing how a film can inspire those few viewers who feel that some parts of a fantasy could actually be reality.

The first is a simple, straightforward attempt at a teenager who feels his Captain America-inspired (but not-so-inspired costume) shield can deflect an “artillery shell firework”.

The second is more concerning, but also makes me think how Charlie Sheen got his powers. In the name of art (which is a blanket to hide the ‘crazy’ in all of us), a French woman’s art project ‘May the Horse Live In Me’ involved injecting horse blood into her system.

This wasn’t a one-off kind of thing, as the human body isn’t made for this kind of interspecies blood transfusions (Keith Richards is different). She had to inject herself with “horse immunoglobulins and glycoproteins over several months”. You can read the rest of the story at WIRED (or wierd in this instance) here.

Apparently she was feeling superhuman (and a little bit horse), but I figure if you’re doing life-threatening procedures, and you survive, you’re more likely going “Holy sh** I’m not dead” all day.

I’d rather get shot at by fireworks, myself. Less work.

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The undead will bleed rainbows

Thursday, August 18th, 2011

She's cute and cutly.

Zombies don’t get enough love. First of all, having your body transformed into a rotting corpse that just won’t go away is no paradise for the confidence.

Secondly, everyone’s always afraid of you. “Oh no, don’t eat my brains” they say as you’re gnawing on their skulls. It’s not your fault. It’s in your unhuman nature.

I’ve given a zombie-themed post a week back about the importance of running away from the undead swarm. Running’s easy. Heck, it’s the first rule in Zombieland (Cardio). But who will give out the love that these monstrosities of Earth don’t seem to be getting any of?

The creative minds of a video game designer and a horror director have come up with a video game that combines a lot of cheek, and a lot of chunks.

Genius horror director James Gunn, well-known for his hilarious film Slither, as well as the similar-to-Kick-Ass-but-so-different Super, has teamed up with Suda 51, responsible for kick-ass games like No More Heroes and Killer7.

So what is this teamwork of horror, comedy and action?

Like a Buffy intro that makes you go “Well how is THAT a secret if everyone’s a zombie?”, this game looks to be something that will not make any sense, but at the same time will probably be extremely fun to play.

A cheerleader, it turns out, is as good at making zombies glitter and sparkle as a vampire’s daylight ‘power’. REMEMBER PEOPLE: SHE’S IN HIGH SCHOOL! Off-limits. Unless you’re a teenager, then by all means.

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I want what he’s eating on TV

Wednesday, August 10th, 2011

I'm a people person, myself.

How many shows and movies have you watched that made you start salivating? Beerfest comes to mind, but I’m talking about the products you see that you’ve always wondered “Man, I’d sure love one of those right now”.

I’ve only recently discovered a cracker unlike any other. Some say it’s made from high energy plankton, but I know the truth.

Sure, it’s just crackers with spinach and a hefty price tag, but man it’d be cool to chow down on one of these at film school. Freak out old people for eating Charlton Heston’s buddy, and freak out the kids eating anything green.

So I present to you:

Doogs’ Top 5 Favourite (and now real) Entertainmeals

1. Tru Blood (True Blood) - The sweet, sweet taste of O positive blood just sounds delightful…for a vampire. It’s possibly tomato juice with tobasco, but put a bit of liquor in it, and you’ve got yourself a drunk vamp (depending on the party, you’ll be sucking necks in no time).

2. Duff beer (The Simpsons) - If blood doesn’t settle your stomach, low-class suds’ll do the trick. There was always a wish inside to visit Duff Gardens. Though not sold in the US for copyright reasons, there’s a happy bunch of people living in Mexico glugging down the lovely bubbly.

3. Cheesy Poofs (South Park) - How Cartman got so fat was a result of dining. This dining came from green boxes of cheese-flavoured snacks that Eric couldn’t keep his hands off of. Hell yeah I want Cheesy Poofs!

4. Scooby Snacks (Scooby Doo) – I once ate dog buscuits when I was young. Heck, why lie about it, I ate them a few times. The dog just made them look like they tasted something amazing. So why not put together buscuits that would give supernatural confidence boosts? Though for more plausible confidence boosts, see (1) and (2) above.

5. Stay Puft marshmellows (Ghostbusters) – How awesome it would be to have a full-size marshmellow man? Pretty awesome, until, you know, you were finished gnawing on his toe and the rest of him got dirty and stale. Packs of marshmellows infused with caffeine will do the trick while you’re doing the Ghostbusters marathon.

But you know what, there are two foods that I’ve ALWAYS wanted to try, and they’re both from Seinfeld. Tell me which two foods I’m thinking about.

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Run to death

Monday, August 8th, 2011

"Flaaags....flaaaags.."

Oh, wow. Why didn’t I ever think about it before?

There is an event happening in Baltimore in the United States called ‘Run For Your Lives’. It’s a 5k run, with ‘obstacles’. Here’s the press release:

“Runners will navigate a series of 12 obstacles throughout a 5K course in an attempt to reach the finish line.”

Well, that’s simple enough, isn’t it? Here’s more:
“…with live entertainment and music, local celebrities, vendors, food, and of course, beer!”

It sounds like a run with obstacles. But what are the obstacles?

Zombies. The living dead that wants to eat your flesh. Or in this case, people who want to scare the living crap out of you while you attempt to run five kilometres. Your health is measured by flags, which those pesky zombies will be trying to nab while snarling at your heels and clawing for your brains.

This is both a film buff’s dream, and a film buff’s nightmare. How many zombie fans can you imagine running that kind of distance? I’m feeling out of breath already! But send a savage horde of zombies my way, I’ll bolt faster than my hipster shoes can handle.

Now I’m keen to watch Dawn of the Dead. See their website for more.

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Juan more zombie film

Tuesday, July 12th, 2011

Look familiar?

Shaun of the Dead was the brilliant collaboration between fans of zombie horror films like George Romero’s Dead triology to bring a well-delivered (and newly-titled) Zom Rom Com.

Zombieland followed suit with a different, yet still enjoyable salute to the braindead monsters.

So when I discovered there was an upcoming film called Juan of the Dead, I groaned.

Sure, there are countless films out there being ripped off (Bollywood has a nasty habit of having a likeness to other films), but then I watched the trailer:

While it seems pretty much resemblant of Shaun of the Dead, doesn’t make it a bad film to watch. For example, watching Ferngully as a child didn’t make Avatar worse (though naming a mineral Unobtanium’s just lazy), but they were the same story, sans the ponytail luvin’.

Romantic comedies come and go, and are as predictable as the next fifty that come out. But I’d much rather be forced to watch zombie movies with a girlfriend than Hugh Grant or Jennifer Aniston.

Unless they were zombies.

Or are they zombies already? Oh…no. We’re too late. I should’ve noticed something was wrong with Keith Richards and Kirk Douglas still being alive.

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Recycling and Reusing for the Future

Monday, July 4th, 2011

Recycling for the Future

*Captured from YouTube*

For those who rushed out to see Michael Bay’s latest Transformers film Transformers: Dark of the Moon got no doubt a couple hours of action-packed scenes and not much else.

And why would someone wanting action expect anything else, like storyline or acting?

Shia LeBeouf has been given more of a focus in the third film, and that fights for the side of humans to not be replaced by robots in every movie. That’s fantastic for him, but this relates to a different issue.

When spending millions of dollars on expensive stunts for a film, that golden shot where the car blows up or the house falls apart is golden. So golden, it becomes something of a cherished piece.

If you had read a book and found it to be so amazing you wanted it to somehow be in another book just so you could read it again, it wouldn’t have the same effect as before.

A video that has popped online comparing two clips from Transformers 3 to Michael Bay’s 2005 action film The Island (not sure how long the clip will be around for):

As you can see, footage has been recycled and reused six years later. This cost-cutting procedure seems to make heaps of sense (and cents) in the editing room, but is it a good idea?

Michael Bay was caught out doing this before with Pearl Harbor and the first Transformers. This recycling of material in different films can be missed by those who do not possess an incredibly large photographic memory, but when someone points it out, it becomes a concern.

Personally I would not have noticed, and I do apologize for those heading out to see the film and see that one scene, but I’m not on the completely negative side here.

Think of the potential here. We could take Shia LeBeouf from his Transformers work, and put him in Terminator 3. All that yelling and talking about machines could be put to good use!

We could grab the scenes from all of our Hollywood films, stick them all together, and have Darth Vader fighting Qui-Gon Jinn, Rocky beating himself up (or Rambo shooting it out with Rambo II and III), and even the most epic shooting scene with Heat, Scarface, The Matrix and The Killer.

We’ve seen remakes of films, but what about mash-ups? Hollywood…your turn.

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Bradley Cooper parle bon Francais

Monday, June 13th, 2011

Le acteur.

Bradley Cooper of Hangover 1 and 2 fame has been swooning ladies left, right and centre with blue eyes and charming grin.

Men like us simply push this Hollywood image out of our heads, knowing that he’s just another celebrity with no brains.

And then he went and started speaking French (click here to watch the interview, or ‘le interview’).

The internet has been booming with this video. Women are screaming online, noted by the use of Caps Lock. Men everywhere are screaming in retaliation, noted by the use of Caps Lock and offensive words.

He’s certainly not the first actor to speak two languages. In fact, there are a whole bunch of celebrities who can also speak French.

Eddie Izzard not only learned French out of curiosity, but ended up performing a whole show in French as well.

My question is this: Can any Hollywood celebrities speak Klingon?

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How long can you talk on the phone?

Tuesday, May 24th, 2011

Oh the things Beyonce would tell her...

An American woman was arrested last week on a train after talking on her phone for sixteen hours.

Just think about that for a second. How long have you talked on the phone before? My record was seven, but I mean this was in between doing things, sighing, and repeating the stories, but realising how tired we were not long ago for repeating said story hours before.

She was apparently a “loud talker”, and during the long train ride from California to Oregon she refused to quieten down. But she was talking longer than a viewing of Titanic! She chatted longer than the whole extended version of the Lord of the Rings trilogy.

Actually, let me write this down. She spoke for 960 minutes, which is the equivalent of:

*Big Bang Theory season 1 and season 2 back to front, and 26.27% of season 3.
*Watching the Titanic sink five times (and almost seeing Leo DiCaprio die five times).
*Listening to Lady Gaga’s Born This Way album almost 16 times in a row, or listen to The Fame, The Fame Monster and Born This Way six times through, then halfway through it again (but would you?).
*Watching the entire extended version of Lord of the Rings trilogy, then flying from Sydney, Australia to Auckland in New Zealand, then back again.
*Watching the complete saga of Star Wars films, then watching Avatar (too many aliens!).
*Watching Alien, Aliens, Alien 3, Alien Resurrection, Alien vs. Predator, Alien vs. Predator: Requiem, then spending 4.7 hours asking yourself why you watched the last three.

It’s a long time when you think about it.

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No more lies about seeing films

Tuesday, May 10th, 2011

So, how do you know Sam?

Hello you charming entertainment-loving shoppers! If you’re wondering why it’s been a little quiet on the blog front, it’s because I’ve been facing some shameful, shameful secrets about lies I’ve made in the past.

A recent survey found out the top ten most common flicks people lie about seeing to impress others. For super movie buff-wannabes like me, I was looking forward to running around testing out this film list on friends to see what movies they haven’t seen, when I actually saw the list:

Top ten films people lie about seeing (via Female First):
1. The Godfather (30 per cent)
2. Casablanca (13 per cent)
3. Taxi Driver (11 per cent)
4. 2001: A Space Odyssey (9 per cent)
5. Reservoir Dogs (8 per cent)
6. This Is Spinal Tap (7 per cent)
7. Apocalypse Now (6 per cent)
8. Goodfellas (5 per cent)
8. Blade Runner (5 per cent)
10. The Great Escape (4 per cent)

And why are those three titles in particular in bold?

This is a little embarrassing, but…I don’t actually remember watching those films. Sure, I’ve seen those pivotal moments that MADE them the classics they are today: the big black stone thingy and the cow bones that the apes go ape for (2001) and the “Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life” quote (Casablanca), which I can only imagine was the reason why not to eat fast food.

But how could I function in society if I wasn’t on top of my film viewing game? Quotes wouldn’t be registered, parodies might be missed out, and my DVD collection would lack those all-important classics.

So I gathered up a stack of films, and started catching up.

Seeing movies that others have hyped up have a bad habit of disappointing expectations. It must’ve happened to all of us, but I felt it a social responsibility to LIKE these films due to their status on the film list.

Watching these films made me realise that while it’s important to see these classics, it’s also important to admit that you haven’t seen them to those who ask. Now you may be asking why you should admit these gaps of knowledge.

When asked about whether you have seen a certain classic, whether it be about Ben Hur or Baseketball (yes, it’s a classic), admit that you haven’t. But before you can be hassled for not being as advanced as the person trying to outwit you, ask them what the film is about. Chances are you’ll be the one on top of the conversation.

If they have indeed seen the film, you’ll most likely get a very short summary, resembling what you would have picked up on movie trailers or famous clips. But if they haven’t, then you can ask them more and more questions until they ultimately admit that they haven’t seen it. If they try to fight back with “but you haven’t seen it either!”, it’s proof they’ve truly lost all respect. Epic win.

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Seagal packs a crunch

Wednesday, March 23rd, 2011

Here he is breaking the Da Vinci code.

Oh what a glorious sight to see Steven Seagal breaking bones in his action films.

It’s those moments when you buy those 8 DVD packs that you can grab a couple of friends around, load up the fridge, and watch action films that make you laugh for all the wrong reasons.

Making the sound effects for breaking bones sounds more like people chewing on carrots and breaking celery, which gives you a pretty clear indication why kids don’t eat their vegetables – it reminds them of when they broke their finger on the swing set.

Crunch.

The film buffs responsible for ‘Every Arnold Scream From Every Arnold Movie’ and ‘Cinema’s Abused Dwarfs’ put together a video containing every bone that Steven Seagal has ever broken. Foolish ol’ me guessed it would be thirty, but I was way off before half the video finished.

Imagine a script reading for Steven and a director:

Director: “SO you’re going to take down the bodyguard at-”
Steven Seagal: “And break his arm?”
D: “Well, no I was thinking maybe punch him or someth-”
S: “I could break his nose?”
D: “I guess, but does it have to be breaking?”
S: “………yes.”

I suggest you check out the video here, then scoop up some Seagal action packs here and here.

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