SGT. Jacks Pepper Mill
Much like their culinary namesake, the Donuts embrace and, at times, contrast the notion that they are nothing more than musical empty calories. You can't resist them even though you know that they are bad for you. When it's all over, you will be disgusted with yourself for having succumb to the fleeting pleasures that they provided. The Donuts consist of dime-store musical savant J. Bearclaw, drunken stumblebum Johnny Taint, the enigmatic Peter Extravaganza and an impeccably coifed UFO/Hot Chocolate devotee simply named Fathead ('One name, just like Cher!' enthuses Fathead). The plan to form the 'Nuts was hatched when Bearclaw, Taint, and Fathead attended an AC/DC concert in the spring of 2001. In an epiphany similar to the one that knocked Saint Paul on his ass on the road to Damascus, the boys were overcome with a vision of the perfect rock band: equal parts marketing, fashion sensibility and Mickey's malt liquor ©. Fathead would provide the powerhouse drumming and Bearclaw and Taint would supply vocals and guitar. ('Taint is like a combination of Bob Dylan and Lou Reed, and that's just his singing!' raves Fathead.) The combo was rounded out when Chuck Vadge was brought aboard to play bass, notwithstanding his near total lack of musical ability. Twelve weeks later, however, Chuck Vadge was replaced by Peter Extravaganza. ('Chuck had absolutely no experience playing the bass when he joined the 'Nuts; Peter comes to the band with a good three months of bass playing under his belt!' gushes Fathead.) It has been suggested that there are strong similarities between the 'Nuts and another band of fiery young upstarts once known as the Beatles, with the prodigiously talented Bearclaw as a Paul McCartney figure, Fathead in the role of Pete Best, and Peter Extravaganza and Johnny Taint as dueling Stu Suttcliffs. Despite their ability to craft simple, energetic, hook-laden songs, the music is not this band's main focus. 'We hope that this band will be a triumph of merchandising over music,' says Taint. 'Hey, who the f*#@!k took the last beer?!?!' added Bearclaw. So there you have it. Too inept to truly be considered power pop, and too melodic to be considered garage rock, the Donuts are simply a great band that defies categorization. Prepare to be confounded by this rock and roll colossus. And please have your money ready.