Guitars Stars & Candy Bars
One day drummer Rob Eastlund introduced Joe to a chef who was intent on bringing a chain of omelet stores to the United States. These would be exotic omelets, nothing too ordinary. It was all about the concept of 'high-end breakfast food.' He wanted to raise the bar. He wanted to create the Cadillac of corn muffins. He was determined to bring the egg out of the diner and onto the dance floor, where hopefully no one would slip on some errant egg yoke and initiate an expensive lawsuit. Joe said he'd like to help because he, too, was tired of oatmeal being treated like some kind of low-class sample of sustenance when, in fact, it is just as legitimate a food as steak, potatoes, etc., and all the other various items that are simply accepted as dinner entrees by a soda-sucking society that often worships the NFL. The band was commissioned to write a theme song for the restaurant, featuring their hybrid mix of punk/roots/classic guitar rock that would flow like fine wine across the ears of the newly egg-enlightened. Unfortunately, the visionary chef needed to raise some money to complete his project. He decided to approach a contingent of business-schooled venture capitalists. These fellows loved the idea of rescuing the breakfast burrito from the doldrums of the diner dungeon, but in order to secure the funds everyone had to agree to some changes. And so it came to pass that the flagship food of the new restaurant-to-be was changed from 'the Omnivore Omelet,' a discriminating concoction featuring a sampling of asparagus braised in white wine, to the 'Big Pig,' an egg acropolis composed of 45 slices of Monterey Jack, smothered in sausage and wrapped around a pound of bacon. Also, the name of the restaurant itself was changed from 'The Egg Exquisite' to 'Jimmy's All-American Egg Jam.' The band was asked to write something 'a little more pop,' so that a chorus of girls could dance to it while dressed up like a bunch of chocolate-covered bananas. And the chef killed himself. PS: The band did not write the theme song. They made this record instead.